What is life?

I sit here and ponder this four letter word as the clock ticks loudly in my ears, distracting me, haunting me. Each second equals a past, a moment gone that can never be returned. What could have been in that last second, minute, hour, day? Is this all life is? Wondering, pondering, listening to the tick-tock? Waiting for the hand to stop?

Contrary to popular opinion, life is more than having fun, I come to realize, hearing laughter float up to my second story window above the passing cars on the street. Not every moment are you going to have a smile on your face and your own laugh ringing in your ears. It may be hard, it may be lonely- a couple things I’d rather not care to admit. This life that is wrapped up in days and years may knock you down so hard you can barely get up again and leave you with a pain so sharp no earthly thing can help in lessening it.

I stare hard at the page before me, thinking back, remembering the past. Pent up anger and bitterness weigh down on your chest, secrets that come unburied, lies that are told, deceits that are laid, so much heartache and pain, and I begin to wonder if this four letter word is worth it all. What good is it if happiness is spoken of like an unattainable dream, and you always find yourself wading out in self-pity’s stream?
But then my pen falters, and I take in a breath as my eyes grow wide and I think, “In all my ponderings and deliberations I never once thought, what if this life isn’t all about. . .me?”  

I stand at the notion, pacing the cold wooden floor, the incessant tick-tocking seeming now to match the racing pace of my heart.

What if life is more than petty emotions and missed opportunities? What if it’s a journey with hills and valleys, a race that’s to be run not with negative expectation of the next valley to be trudged but with the exhilaration of the hope of being atop that next hill, basking in the latest accomplishment of. . .life? A walking, running, living, piece of art. . .on display for all to see and though perhaps each one looked upon with a different perspective, each with its own unique sort of beauty.

I realize, no, it’s not all about me and constantly thinking he didn’t do this, or she said that! It’s not about reliving my past and being knocked down by it in my present! No!

True, this life isn’t all about having fun nor is it to be enveloped in the idea that it’s nothing but hardship and emotional suffering.

It should be seen as an opportunity, a path leading to a purpose, a divine privilege. An age to lift up a new generation and an honor to gain wisdom from the last. A destiny to be undertaken, a book waiting to be read, a heart to be touched.
With every breath we take we can choose our next direction, whether it be right or wrong, and yet still if we choose the wrong, forgiveness awaits.
Life is not something to be wished away, but rather an adventure to be taken, a legacy to be left, an occasion to be more than what is expected of you.

I stand here and ponder, listening to the tick-tocking of the clock, no longer concerned with the passing seconds, only with the seconds to come. And I realize, life, the real kind that leaves a lasting impression, is a choice. Everything else is just merely existing.

By: Gina Bovyn 

Daily Devotional: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the mark of those who belong to God. .  .powerful, powerful statement from church today, and so SO true! Ephesians chapter 5 says to be followers, or imitators, of God. This doesn't exclude forgiving others. If anyone had the right to be in unforgiveness, it was Jesus as He hung on the cross. But what did He say? He said in the book of Luke, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. This is the picture of forgiveness. Jesus hanging on the Cross, looking out at the very ones who put Him there with nothing but compassion and love in His eyes. It's what purchased our forgiveness. And it was from the Father's heart. This forgiveness cannot be revoked either. Now, it's up to us to be the example and imitate God. Walk in forgiveness today.

Am I Really Forgiven?

Wow! It's been a LONG time since I wrote a post, but I'm excited to write what God has shared with me. Recently I got out of a difficult relationship (one reason why I haven't blogged that much). 

I dated this man for nearly six months, and by the end of it, I felt almost completely broken down. I made so many bad decisions and was disobedient to God and those I loved, that after it was ended I felt how could God ever forgive me? Even though I’ve been a born again believer of God for over five years and have studied to know Him more than I even studied in school, I had been knowingly disobedient all because of my emotions. I’ve learned in my years of study that God loves us no matter what we do, that He forgives us of every sin, and He forgets them. But in this, for some reason, the devil kept making me think Could He really forget the way I’ve acted, and the bad decisions I have made? Can He really speak to me again and wrap me in His presence again after how I’ve acted? Will He reveal His heart to me again after what I’ve been? The devil tried to tell me no. But you know what? God stepped in to tell me the truth, as He always will if we’ll just refuse to listen to those lies from hell and start listening for Him.

I asked Him one night as I laid in bed, “Father, please let me know that even though I may have done wrong, you still have great things for me.” And this is what He said.

“Remember the prodigal son.” Now I’ve read this parable many times, but I’ve never truly had a deep revelation of it, but now I do, and I’d like to share it with you. We begin in Luke chapter 15 starting in verse 11 through 24.

“And he (Jesus) said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in the land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger? I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee. And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him: and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.”

Now here this father is and his young son asks him for his inheritance. The son asks for what his father has laid up for him. And the father gives it. Then the son decides he wants to live life his own way and leaves the comforts and benefits of his father’s house. The young man completely wastes all that his father had given him, and, after a famine ensues, comes in to an agreement with a man not from his own country. The son makes a covenant with someone outside of where he belongs, and not only does he do that, but he takes a job feeding pigs. This is completely disgraceful for a Jewish man because the Mosaic Law classifies pigs as unclean animals. So the son goes against everything he has ever learned or lived by. But, he finally comes to his senses and realizes the mistakes he has made. He’s heartbroken at what he’s become, so much so that he doesn’t even feel worthy to step into his father’s presence as an equal, but as a servant. He feels completely worthless as a human being, a disgrace to his father. But he goes home, knowing that was the one place where he was safe and had provision. He’s ready to tell his father this great speech of his unworthiness, how his dad should just make him a servant, but his father sees him while he’s approaching their home. Notice this, his father sees him, not his decision to go out on his own, not his bad choices or mistakes, he sees his beloved son, and he runs to his boy and falls on his shoulders, overjoyed that he has come home. The man doesn’t even let the boy finish his speech when he begins to tell his dad how unworthy he is. No. The father tells his servants, go and get the best robe that we have and clothe my son in it, go get the ring of our family and put it on him, go get some shoes to put n his feet, and bring that fatted calf that we’ve been saving and kill it so we can have a party, for my son was gone and now he’s home!

 And there’s something more to that fatted calf than just meat for their party. In the Old Testament, in order for a person’s sin to be covered, blood had to be spilled. God killed an animal in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sinned so it’s blood could cover their sin. He put in the books of the Law that sacrifices had to be made in order for the peoples’ sin to be covered by the blood. Isn’t that beautiful? Now think of this story in light of the father being God and the son a believer that decides to go his or her own way.

We say to God, give me all that you have laid up for me, Lord. And because He’s a giving God, He gives it. But then we make the decision to leave, to go our own way, listen to our own reasoning, being led by our own will rather than His. We waste the wisdom and knowledge He bestowed upon us, waste the blessings and financial provisions He’s always given, until we completely forsake everything He had taught us. But then one day we come to our senses, our eyes are opened and reality sets in. What am I doing?!?! I had everything in my relationship with God! He taught me from His Word and gave me the ability to produce wealth (Deut. 8:18), He healed me, cared for me, led me, clothed me in His righteousness and gave me right standing in His sight! What have I done?!?! And then the devil sets in on our minds, telling us, You know, you’re not worthy to be called a son of God anymore. Not after what you’ve done. So we begin to feel unworthy, but we know that being in that place with our Heavenly Father was the only place we actually had true peace and joy and full prosperity, complete wholeness so even though that shame and guilt is weighing down our consciousness, we go back to Him. We go ready to say Lord I messed up. I messed up so bad that I don’t think I’m even worthy for you to use me anymore, but please, Father make me your servant.

But God in all His goodness, sees us afar off, and runs to us. He meets us with open arms and says to us, My son, my daughter. You are my beloved, my precious child. I see you, not your sin or what you did. I see you. And He tells those ministering angels (Hebrews 1:14), those servants of His, to go, get the best robe, get the best that we have and clothe my child in it. Go get that ring, that symbol of being in My family and place it upon her finger, go get those shoes of peace, that symbol of a harmonious relationship with Me, and place them upon his feet, and go, bring forth my Son, the One Who shed His blood for this one’s sin, in order that it may be completely washed away, that I may remember the wrongdoings no more. For my son, my daughter was dead, he was out of correspondence with Me, but now he’s home, he’s found, and he’s Mine!

That’s awesome to me. That’s how God sees us, my friends. Even after we sin, even after we go our own way. When we come back to Him, He’s ready to receive us. He’s ready to pick up right where we left off and bring us into all the glorious plans that He has for our lives. So don’t allow the devil to place guilt and shame upon you when you make a mistake. Remember the truth. Remember the prodigal son, and remember the love that your Father has for you.  

Lady White's Book Trailer!

Barn Door Book Loft: Gina Bovyn's White Lady

Check out Gina's latest author interview!

Barn Door Book Loft: Gina Bovyn's White Lady: Gina Bovyn wanted to pursue a writing career since she was a little girl.

Update on Gina's Book: Lady White

Hey everybody! It's been a while since I've posted, but things have been very busy around here. I'm going to try to start posting regularly again soon. Right now, though, I have some news about my book.

I have an author interview scheduled to be posted Feb. 27-28 on the Barn Door Book Loft's blog. When it's posted I'll be sure to add the link so you can check it out. :)  God bless!